Messengers in our life?

He comes dressed in rags

He lives with the homeless, knows the prostitutes

sleeps with the drunkard

and

donates all the finances to the needy.

He questions my money & my status

lies in my sofa

and 

takes food from my fridge

Asking why and how come I think it is MINE!?

He’s been put in prison for his thoughts,

judged as an out-cast in media

and

talked bad about by every level of society – including You and Me at our coffee-tables

He’s here to proclaim a kingdom

and

wants to set us free -

WHY DO I FEEL SO BAD & HOPELESSLY FRUSTRATED IN LOVING?

 

Service

Loving, thoughtful, active promotion of the good of others and the cause of God in our world, through which we experience the many little deaths of going beyond ourselves.

 

Some days I’m just so happy I have a God, or He has me. Those days I don’t understand how people can ever go through their lives without this awareness.

Like, when a way too close of a family member, calls me and asks if I could come and clean her apartment and I can’t come up with any good enough excuse, why not to. I put on my dancing clothes and take off, just to find that when I arrive, it really wasn’t a need of the sort I had imagined… Actually, I get so annoyed over the circumstances that I’m ready to take off or at least Tell her off. In the midst of the fumes I hear a voice in my head reading from His Words:

I was hungry and you fed me, 
I was thirsty and you gave me a drink, 
I was homeless and you gave me a room, 
I was shivering and you gave me clothes, 
I was sick and you stopped to visit, 
I was in prison and you came to me.

(…) ‘I’m telling the solemn truth: Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me—you did it to me.

Matthew 25:35-40 (The Message)

And I know that she, isn’t just one of these little ones, she even made the huge step to Ask me, if I could come.

So I take the vacuum cleaner and repeat the mantra in my head: “I’m doing this for you, I’m doing this for you, Oh, how I’m doing this for you…”

Soon enough I realize that with such a stern face and harsh thought’s, I’m actually doing more harm then good. “It’s so much easier to serve those who are worthy of it!” I STOP. Ask for the Joy of Movement and Almighty God, for some happy thoughts! Continue, only when I’ve found back to the right track. STOP. Ask again and don’t move before it’s all there… and so the struggle continued, for the following 45 minutes. 

I’m sure I couldn’t have ever made it through without His loving presence. Can you?

 

HE never makes things happen the same way twice…

Why didn’t you come to rescue us?

Where are you in all this chaos and mess? In the middle of the Storm called Life?

That’s what the preacher asked us today, out on the furtherest rocks, that have been kissed by the Sea for thousands of years… And in the same way Lucy asked; Could you have prevented this all from happening, if you would have shown up a little bit earlier?

With tear-filled eyes I stand like her stating: I always knew you Would come!

And just like HE answered her, He whispers to me: Well, Why didn’t you come out here to fetch me earlier? Why do I stand there fighting on my own, to the bare end, when I could have followed him all those times I heard him calling? How hard can it be, to give over the command to a King who is WILD, not tamed, Yet GOoD? But I think I can do it, until exhausting catches me…

It IS a bloody battle, this life of ours… Every day there is so much Goodness and yet so much pain and suffering. Sometimes it feels like ALL the tough things come Tumbling down, all at once. And I ask the silly question of  wonder, at why He isn’t here to just rescue us, calm the Storm and make pain disappear?

Still, I do know, that it is I who need to jump out of the boat and let the Storm sweep me… For living Life fully, I need to take this little rowing boat of mine, set the course for a Land out in the horizon and keep on steering. Life in the Storm is a constant fight and HE has given us a promise. 

HE will never come in the same way twice

and for all that 

HE is already HERE

 

States of relaxation…

He wrote about dreams, I read about dreaming, We danced our dreams…

and all of a sudden I found the answer to the question that had been luring in the back of my head. 

Relaxed – had I really been able to relax?

Secure – did I feel safe enough to loose the tension?

In charge – do I trust Him to care for me even now, also here?

Can I let go, unwind my mind and rest my heart in the Safe-Heaven that has been offered?

The answer came soft and tenderly, it crept up into my lap and whispered in my ear… It spoke about a dream of a house, a boat out in the sea, a journey of many silent hours and a fire place in the middle of nowhere . The Vision told me what relaxed looked like, the Dream awakened the sensation of ease and the moment opened my Heart to awareness of where I am going.

Nowhere is the place where finally I am Now-here.

And it is only from that new state of relaxation that any inter-action can be fruitful. How can I have forgotten? I, just as every one of us, have been granted many gifts and I have gathered various tools yet they haven’t been in use. I have miss-used, in my eagerness to accomplish. Perfecting my perfection is the outcome of tools miss-handled. Running in the Race, but not knowing where I come from, can only lead to exhaustion.

Here & Now I have had time to Slow Down. 

Here & Now my worries have been Cared for.

Here & Now I have listened to Dreams.

Here & Now I sense from where Life Springs – I can sip from the fountain – I know were to Go. I know a Place, after which Eyes will See, Ears will Hear, Hearts will Beat and I can slowly Unbutton Life <3

 

Do you know what you signed up for?

My beloved brother commented several times, during the past week, that most of us who call us followers of Christ, would not have signed the “conversion contract” if we really knew what we signed up for… Have your Lord lately put you in situations where wonder, how on earth you ever ended up here?

 

The following is a little story from my trail, on the way home.

 

Hope

There are those days when it all just seems so clear.

And then,

there are those days when all that is left, is a deep, deep longing… a craving for it all to be true.

all of the certainty washed away. 

Some days it is just so hard to believe, I start doubting if it is only I who am stubbornly wanting to swim in de Nile…

 

Song echoing in my Heart…

 

Holy darkness, Blessed night,
Heaven’s answer hidden from our sight.
As we await you, O God of silence,
We embrace your holy night.

 

Friday Fasting

We are in the middle of Little Lent or Advent, which is a time of waiting. Henri J.M. Nouwen writes:

To wait open-endedly is an enormously radical attitude toward life. It is trusting that something will happen to us that is far beyond our own imaginings. It is to live in the conviction that God moulds us according to God’s love and not according to our fear.

 

nor according to our judgement or pride, either. Thank God for that!

 

Nearer to Wholeness…

I believe I would never have Come into Unity, with my Beloved, nor with the wonderous mystery of the Body of Christ, had it not been for the devoted, passionate and loving friends I have journeyed with during the last 4 years.

My Dear brothers and sisters in faith, 

I hope you know, it is not because you are extraordinary – even though you have glimpses of that in you.

I hope you know, it is not because you are perfect, but when you are true to your imperfection.

I hope you know, it is not because you are capable of unconditional love, but when the love poured out on You reflects into your care and dreams and willingness to extend Love unknown to human merit.

I hope you know, it is not because of your brilliance, but when you offer your humor and skillful endeavors to encourage spirits, that I am blown away.

I hope you know, it is not because you courageously uphold the Truth in every situation, but when your heart reveals a steadfast commitment to my well being, that I am released, time after time. 

I hope you know, it is not because sharing Life with you is smooth, sweet and always beautiful, but the fact that we can stand together, side by side, watching our journey from the everlasting perspective, where none of us is judge or excelling the other, we were not alone. And this takes all the pain away.

 Ultimately our stronghold lies in the ability to remind each other that

In Friendship are joined honor and charm, truth and joy, sweetness and good-will, affection and action.

and All these take their beginning in our Beloved, advance through the Beloved uniting us and is perfected in The Beloved, healing us.

(Aelred of Rievaulx)

 

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