If there is a War to be fought, it’s battlefield is my Mind
and the frontier; my thoughts and feelings about myself in relationship with others.
I remember the days when everything there was, was a Mind, thinking she was brilliant and in ultimate control. My Mind, dragging along a body, she imagined was there only to make her elevated and letting her experience the small pains and pleasures of physicality, soon to be abolished by Her pure intellect. In these days there was a shrewd and constant struggle between my feelings and reason. One trying to tell the other off and determine whom was more righteous to make judgement over the rest.
I am also reminded of the first time I was told I could tell her to “Shut up”! The thrill going through my body when first playing with the sensation of having just one single moment of Silence; true silence, where NO thought, unasked for, would be able to push its opinions or insinuations upon the moment of “Here and Now”; the experience of a true I AM.
Together with these, are the numerous moments I have learnt to cherish, when my Mind finally has understood she has the right to vacations. She is much appreciated and greatly needed, but just like her piece; feeling and reason, none where meant to dominate and pass ruling, on their own. Locating my Mind as the Head of the Body, is to miss whom and what has the authority to be the Savior.
This being stated, there still is a long way to go, before my Mind has learnt her lesson. Before she has understood that She is NOT the ruler of the universe and that it is NOT her business to master mine or other people’s lives, nor to control the outcome of how “well we are doing” or command right action in order to produce good fruits, but to submit. To loose her Reign and make His Kingdom Rule.
What she gets caught up with, what my thoughts circle around, are questions of producing to the point of exhauster, of using to the point of manipulation and of caring to the point of custody. The Slogans heard in my Mind most often tell me about: the need to be perfect in most of my aspirations, the need of extreme “freedom” to state that I am truly unique, the need of guarding my assets in order to be safe and the need to ration my love to avoid hurt.
She has good intensions but no pure means of attaining the will. For another it might be another part of them, but for me, my Mind is Easily sold out to other interests.
The Hissing in my Head, know I can get frightened by loneliness, thus rejoicing when my Mind “reacts” on the presumed fear with either an obsession of finding the perfect man, or the isolation of never letting anybody know. Hours and hours spent in search, leaving me restless and weary.
The Hissing in my Head, thrive on my feelings of not being good enough, beautiful enough, humble enough, caring enough, altering them with witty comments, sarcastic endeavors, blown up images of supremacy and advancement.
The scoffing in my Mind can only be scuffed away through the inspiration of Your Holy Spirit.
and for that Cleansing to enter this thick brain, I surely need training, training and more training.
“Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.”
(Phil. 4:8)
I have learnt that my Mind will be pleased to go on Holidays as soon as she sees that a bigger Power has overhand. She has come to the point when she is open to surrender, when the Head is there to lead. THIS, is a break-through and also a Bliss. I have come to the point when I know that what needs to be done, from my side of the battle field, is to keep the above things in front of my Mind. To constantly remember to feed her the Vision. Give her the words of reassurance of His Wisdom, of her as a part-taker in His Kingdom. Sowing seeds of hope and light and love, first to me and then sprinkling them over to others.
On this same Tune, my Heart is whispering that she is quite fond of my new Soul Sisters.
In a time of trouble, a dear friend of mine asked me to remember Who I am. He wanted me to become aware of my true inner self, what God created me to be. So I wrote it down, the way I heard it in my Heart. And put it in front of my Mind, to dwell upon, day and night.
Now, it has been up as my “status” for some time and both my Mind and my Heart are learning to see it more clearly. Then, just the other day, I meat these Wonderful Women, the community of “Saints” with whom I wish to surround myself, keeping the vision high. Each personality talking directly into one of each of the words my heart had found. Soul Sisters, by the heart, empowering my Mind.
The Warrior of Hildegard of Bingen, bringing bright light, focus in the mission and clarity of way.
The Dancer of Mechthild of Magdeburg, sensing passionate surrender of all that I am, into the arms of my Beloved.
The Princess of Julian of Norwich, maiden of honor and humility, ready to constantly serve and waiting upon the time she is called on the ultimate adventure.
